Too Big to see

So, I've felt strangely invisible all weekend.

I'm sure it's not really any more than usual, rather, it just being sensitive to it, but it seems like no one can see me. Drivers cutting me off, people stepping up to counters as if I'm not in line, being bumped into a run over and ignored everywhere I go.

And my brain keeps telling me it's because I'm fat. That people are trying not to see me, because they can't stand the sight of me.

I know this to be ridiculous. Yes, I am overweight, unhealthily so, but I have a very large frame to carry it on. I still have a waist, still have a definable female figure that is really quite attractive, if you're into a heavier set build. I'm personally not my own type, but that's just because I'm too athletic. Yes, I am too athletic for my own tastes. I like my curves exaggerated and compacted on themselves, like the world's most dangerous country road. I'm too long and leggy for my tastes.

Yes, long and leggy. With a fairly flat butt, and very generous boobage. And long wavy dark hair, and golden-green eyes, and a gorgeous tan.

But all I can think about is how I feel invisible, and how it must be because I'm too fat to look at.

I don't know where all this is coming from. I have never had body issues like this before. I've always hated being so big, but in a general way, and mostly because it means I can't find clothes period. Not because I'm too fat, but because I'm also too tall, too wide, too that much bigger in general than the rest of the world. I'm people the next size up, and nothing has ever fit me. 38" inseam, size 12.5 shoes (because 12 is too small and 13 is too big) 42 DDD bra - none of these things exist. If you're big in the band, you're clearly HUGE in the cup. If you're big in the foot, you clearly need 3" heels. If you're big in the waistband, you can't possibly need more than a 30" inseam.

I have never fit, and I never will.

So why do I suddenly feel so FAT?

Specifically, socially pressure induced FAT.

It can't possibly be just one asshole getting under my skin, right?